Monday, August 13, 2012

Walking the Dog

Sunny is enormous. I'm not exaggerating, she weighed in at 75lbs at her last check up. I thought she was small for a labrador, but as her Veterinarian informed me she is most definitely NOT small for a labrador. In fact she weighs 16 pounds over what she should. Woooops! I'll take the blame for that. We started her on a Doggy Diet and exercise plan and she was down 2 lbs when she was weighed for her boarding check-in last month (pats self on back) Of course she is still our Pudgy Pup but we are making progress. -side note: Way easier to put a dog on a diet than to go on one yourself.- I think we would make better progress if she wasn't such a wimp about the exercising part of the weight loss. this is how our typical walks go:

"Sunny, want to go for a walk?!"

"walk? WALK?! WALK?! I LOVE WALKS!!!! YESYESYESYES! I want to walk! Can we go now?! WALKWALKWALK!! YESSSSSS!!!" -This is where the excited jumping begins- if you've never had a 75 lb puppy jump on you, I say good for you, try at all means to keep it that way. Unpleasant. By the time I calm her down enough to get her lead over her nose (which she loves by the way, nothing bums an excited dog out more than a gentle lead... I highly recommend it if you like keeping all your joints in tact when walking a big dog) We usually have the attention of the Munchkin.

"Are you taking Sunny for a walk now? Can I come!?! I'll get my shoes on!!"

" Yes, I'm taking her for a walk, no you can't come, stay here with Daddy"


"Sunny doesn't poop when you come, she gets stage fright"

"She'll poop!!!! I proooommisse. I'm not lying, Mommy. She will poop. She will!" -this is usually when Sunny gets antsy and resumes her jumping.

" Alexis, I have to take the dog out she's jumping."

" She's jumping because she wants me to come!!"

"That is not why she is jumping. You are not coming this time, maybe tomorrow" argue, now I'll have to deal with that tomorrow. Why do I do this to myself?

Finally I get out the door with the dog, it's 95 degrees out. We get to the grass and she pees then tries to beeline it back inside. 'Not happening, Tubby, getting out was a battle you will walk.'

The rest of our 2 mile walk goes roughly like this walk 10 yards, stop sniff for a minute; I assume her sniffing inner monologue goes something like this:
"sniff sniff... hmmmm new dog in the neighborhood!" walk walk walk "hmmm, Person looks tired, I'll sniff and give her a break. Sniff sniff sniff" walk walk walk "I hate this lead, I'm going to pretend to sniff and try to scrape it off" claw at nose, dig nose into dirt, wrestle with person sniff sniff sniff. walk walk walk " sniff sniff there was a rabbit here! RABBIT!!! Where are you rabbit?!?! In the bush? rabbit, are you in there?? walk walk walk.
Repeats sniffs and escape attempts for the next half hour. The sniff-stops are dotted with points where she just gives up on life and lays down in the shade, looking at me and challenging me with her eyes. These are the moments I hate the most because my panic kicks in. I worry that she is going to have an epiphany that she is way stronger than me and just refuse to get up. There is no way I am going to be able to carry a 75lb dog a mile home. Matt will never let me live it down if he has to come pick us up. I'll be mocked until I go crazy, he'll have me comitted and Alexis will come visit once a month if I'm lucky to feed me pudding and brush my hair because I won't be able to do that with my straightjacket on. Just as I'm getting carried away in my looneybin fantasy the dog decides she's made a full recovery and rallies. We continue on our walk and come home where she eats 2 ice cubes while she waits for the 4 I threw in her bowl to cool her drinking water down. (it is 95 degrees out, the least I can do is give her cold water)

I will get her down those 16 lbs, or I will let a sleeping dog lie. Only time will tell. Look how cute they are when there's no walking conflict involved!

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